Updated: Sep 17
Stephen Hawking's quote
"Where do we fit into the universe? What is a Universe? Where did I come from, and why am I here? What is it that we're supposed to be doing in life? What is our purpose in life? Are we born with the natural ability to create and modify our bodies and the world?
What responsibility do we have to use our power in the presence of what are arguably the greatest threats to the future of our lives, our world, and even our species?"
In the late 1990s and early 2000s, research has revealed the following facts:
The universe, our world, and our bodies are made of a shared field of energy that was scientifically recognised in the 20th century and is now identified by names that include the field, the quantum hologram, the mind of God, nature's mind, and the Divine Matrix.'
In the field of the Divine Matrix, "things" that have been connected physically and then separated act as if they are still linked, through a phenomenon known as entanglement.
Human DNA directly influences what happens in the Divine Matrix in a way that appears to defy the laws of time and space.'
Human belief (and the feelings and emotions surrounding it) directly changes the DNA that affects what occurs in the Divine Matrix.
When we shift our beliefs about our bodies and our world, the Divine Matrix translates that change into the reality of our lives! This means that we create our own reality. We are the only responsible of our own destiny and life. It is always not late to learn to watch our mind, to control thoughts and feelings.
Have the choice to have only beautiful and helpful thoughts, the capacity to transform the negative into positive with the power of decisions, to think and act positively.
I am convinced, now, that illnesses are an external physical somatic expression of our negative feelings. What we think, what we feel, what we keep inside as repressed emotions, manifest outside like an explosion, a transformation, a loss, and affect our body, our mind, our internal organs, our blood, our DNA, our liquids, our life, our relationships, what we are.
All our fears, the lies we tell ourselves, our anger, our resentments, they all manifest as illnesses—physical, mental distress, embarrassment, and even death. I wasn't aware of this for many years. I was living in a different world, one shrouded in darkness and negativity. It's like being hooked on heavy drugs, except these natural drugs were created by my emotional reactions, and it was the worst thing that could have happened to me.
But, as I mentioned, I wasn't aware. I wasn't conscious. I wasn't awake. I wasn't placing myself at the top of my priority list. I was more concerned about others, about their feelings. I had forgotten about the most important person in my life—myself, my best friend.
I thought there was no way out, but I eventually found one. I started exploring myself through my personal photography projects, using it as a form of therapy. I engaged in open-hearted conversations with others, free from judgment, letting the energy of connection flow like magic. Strangely, through moments of desperation and pain, a new door opened for me.
I had a realisation - Eureka! I felt like I had wasted my entire life, but I needed that turmoil to become who I am now. From adversity, I turned it into something valuable. It's the principle of alchemy. I was born to learn these lessons in this journey called life, to uncover the truth about myself, even if it was painful. Most of us aren't aware of our own stories, and I was one of them.
In my video art piece titled 'Do You Love Yourself? Monologue,' with a total length of 9 minutes and 41 seconds, I share my personal experiences, the lessons I learned in 40 years, the pains I endured, and how it all led to my illness.
The doctor said, "Isolate yourself in a room and let the tears flow! You can't alter your circumstances. Your illness may be treatable, but there's no going back to the way you were before. So, you must overhaul everything – your diet, your lifestyle, your mindset... summon your courage and commit to the therapy I'll prescribe for you indefinitely."
To which I replied, "What do you mean by 'indefinitely'?"
The pain I experienced led me to the deepest depths of despair. I spent 55 days in the hospital. You cannot fathom where this experience can take you. It inflicts suffering, but it also numbs your mind. Hallucinations become your reality, and you lose the ability to reason if you allow yourself to drift further.
I had never known such intense pain before, for it consumes you from within, like a cowardly parasite.
Pain remains an enigma, incomprehensible unless you've lived it on your own skin.
When you confront your deepest pain and find yourself utterly alone, vulnerability engulfs you. You become incapable of moving or breathing properly, of lifting your gaze, or even of eating, drinking water, speaking, or mustering the energy to interact with someone sitting beside you.
After that ordeal, nothing can truly hold you back. You forge an inner strength that isn't easily shattered. Confidence blooms within you, and fear dissipates. You've touched the brink of death, visited hell, and pain serves as the catalyst to rouse you from your slumber. It's an agonising stage, where you become helpless, incapable of any action, reduced to a mere mass of flesh devoid of vitality.
Then, the healing process commences (if you're fortunate enough to still be alive). From within, you find the capacity to endure that arduous phase of life, screaming loudly and fighting back, striving to discern the silver lining in all that misery.
You regain the ability to see the light because that's all you want to see, striving to forget the unpleasant remnants.
I asked myself, "How can I get better? How can I escape this nightmare? Is this even real, or am I trapped in a never-ending nightmare? What will I become after recovering? Will I ever be myself again? How can I transform my life?"
Black is the color.
'Developing a new way of thinking, a new attitude, new actions towards myself and life was the answer. Take my time, be patient and be in control of myself in deep waters.
Step after step I will be able to comeback to life again .... be strong and don't give up.
I said to myself.
It is the only way; there is no other choice. You have to get up!
It takes time, it takes courage, it takes effort.
I am sure that if we are lucky enough to survive illnesses, we are capable of healing ourselves naturally. The body is a perfect machine. The mind is a powerful mechanism, one that we don't fully understand yet. The heart knows what it wants and will lead you there. Your intuition will guide you on what to do. It's a matter of trusting yourself and trusting life.
I want to believe in this.
I want to have faith in life. I trust that everything will be fine.
I have in mind to document this entire journey through photography when I start feeling better.
I don't know how yet. I still don't know what steps I will take to rise again.
I know that I am here, still in the process of recovery.
It is taking a long time.
And this time will never come back to me.
Did I create all of this?
If I had loved myself more and been more attentive to my body, mind, and heart, surely all of this might not have happened.
But now, the story is different. I am still here, more alive than before.
I am only going up now because I deserve the best. We all deserve the best.