loredana denicola
love, sex and relationships
... a visual and intimate exploration of love, desire, and human relationships ...
black and white analog photography | video interviews |
| London-based project | 2015-ongoing |
love, sex, and relationships is a deeply personal and multidisciplinary project that explores intimacy through black-and-white analog photography, video documentation, poetry, and personal reflections. The work delves into themes such as love, sex, emotional dependency, self-awareness, and the complexity of modern relationships.
I began this journey in London in 2015, during a painful chapter of my life when I found myself trapped in a toxic and abusive romantic relationship that I believed was love. The project took shape in the multicultural city of London, before Brexit and the Covid-19 pandemic. Gradually, it became a question: What is love, really? Where do we draw the line between desire, dependency, and self-respect?
"I felt a strange attraction to him – something I couldn’t understand or control.
He was often drunk, addicted to pornography, quick to accuse me, humiliate me, and insult me.
Yet, I wanted to understand what kept me in such a relationship. What is love?"
Creating photographs and video interviews gave me the distance and clarity I needed. My camera became more than just a tool – it became therapeutic, a means of healing, telling the truth, and reclaiming my voice.
What I did
I invited 25 people and couples – some strangers I met on the streets of London, others found online – to share intimate experiences about their love lives. Together, we spoke openly about love, sex, relationships, loss, boundaries, emotional dependency, and self-love. After each conversation, I invited them to visually express their relationship as they wished. I didn’t direct them. I simply gave them the space to represent themselves – as they are or as they wish to be seen.
What is love? What does it mean to be in a relationship? Do we love each other? Do culture, religion, or education shape the way we love? What are we afraid of? Are we free?
The project includes: black-and-white analog portraits (shot with a Mamiya 7, medium format 6x7), 16 video interviews (over 6 hours of footage), a 9-minute monologue video titled "Do you love yourself?", a short trailer, and a photo book (ready for print).
All videos were filmed in London and are in English with subtitles.
Why I created this work
This project became a way to understand not only others, but also myself. Through this journey, I first learned what "love" is not and began to understand what it might be. I’ve listened to how many of us are trapped in toxic dynamics we mistakenly call "love."
Self-respect is the foundation of love. With this work, I wanted to testify to the power of stories, honesty, and creative vulnerability.
"This is not just a project, it is a collective act of courage and reflection."
What does love mean to you? And, above all, do we really love ourselves?
Below, some excerpts from love, sex, and relationships, drawn from our interviews and photographs...
Click here to watch the video interviews.
Filiz,
a single mother of a teenager
Do you love yourself?
Yes, I do love myself, and I know my worth now.
I am Turkish, and in our culture, a woman doesn’t typically leave the house until she is married. Because of this, we don’t have the same influences of women or young ladies leaving their family homes, living alone, and venturing out independently; such actions are not generally perceived as positive.
Growing up, I was conditioned to believe that I should get married, have a good life, find a good husband, and prioritise those things. I think this mindset is deeply rooted in my cultural background.
Ganga,
divorced after ten years of marriage
Is your disability a problem in your love relationship?
Yes, it has been.
I come from Nepal. In my culture, all parents that want to marry their daughter are looking for someone who has got a good job, paid well and who has no physical challenges. And you can see I have a physical problem. I never used to have the courage to ask a girl, ‘Do you love me? Do you want to be with me?’, because, for me, it is difficult.
Gill and Richard,
married for 30 years.
Gill
I think it depends on the relationship or the couple.
Sometimes, in a manipulative relationship, one person can make the other feel dependent.
But even in a good, relaxed, and balanced relationship, I think any couple that’s been together for a long time can’t help but become somewhat dependent on each other.
You start thinking, "My goodness, what would I do if that person wasn’t here anymore?’"And it’s a horrible thought: 'What would happen to me? Would I fall apart?"
Richard
Is sex an emotion?
No, I don’t think so ... it is a drive, a sort of sexual drive, you are driven by sex, aren’t you? Men tend to think that sex is love more than women.
I think that women think that love is romance, and romantic but men think that love – not all men, of course, the majority of men – think that sex is love, and love is sex. When men want sex, or want to love somebody, they want to do it quickly; they don’t want the romance of it.
A woman wants to be ... not exactly taken out for dinner, and drunk, and all that business, but they want a bit of time, before they have sex; men don’t, they want to do it immediately. It’s strange, isn’t it?
Edwin and Giulia,
together for 18 years and married for 4
Edwin
Have you ever used dating websites?
That is a new thing for me: I have never put my trust in that so I guess you can find your perfect person there, you know?
I don’t know, maybe you want somebody who has the same interests as you, but then I think it looks like the adventure is not there anymore, because that is the nicest thing about a relationship ...
I don’t know, exploring the other person.
I guess on a dating line, we have all sorts of information, so when you meet in real life, you can say, ‘Oh, oh I know all about you because I know your interests, you know my interests’ - but all the fun is gone there. But, I guess if you want the perfect partner, is there for you.
Giulia
Why do people accept abuse when they love someone?
The acceptance of abuse within a relationship has many reasons; the most common is the fact that there is a low level of self-esteem, which unfortunately allows for the other person to prevaricate, to impose certain things, whether as a manipulative choice ... or alternatively as physical violence - sometimes there is also fear of losing the other person, so you accept their abuse or their abusive behaviour. I still find myself a little bit puzzled by the idea that love leads to abuse. I do believe that if there is love, there is respect: there is understanding – and surely there is not that feeling that you should be abusive or physically negative towards the other person.
Esperanza,
married for 30 years, separated with a daughter.
Why did I understand my husband when he abandoned me?
He wanted to have relationships with other women, and I thought, why not?
He was only 22 years old when I met him, and we had been together for 30 years.
Of course, I suffered at the beginning because everything in my life felt like it was falling apart. I wasn’t expecting that.
But when I reflected on everything, and with time, I said to myself, "What’s wrong? Why not? I understand."
It’s so difficult talking about emotions, about feelings.
Agnese and Virginia,
in love, married for 2 years
Agnese
Love is more a feeling than a concept for me.
It cannot be explained. It can only be felt. Nowadays we have a lot of ways of communicating because of social media, but, at the same time, I think that the more ways we have to communicate with people, the more ways there are in which we feel disorientated.
I don’t think that today it is easy to meet people. In London people live very individual lives, rather than feeling part of a community.
I met my wife through a website.
I have been very lucky over that – it doesn’t happen to everybody.
It was maybe the right time, when things come together naturally.
You can give love to a person who is begging in the street, and maybe for just once?
Virginia
What is love?
I can tell you what is love for me – and for me, love is to be in a relationship, and to be corresponding. For me, love is just home. When I met Agnese, she was home to me: I belonged there, I cannot explain properly, but ... when I looked her in the eyes, she was home, I related to there – and when I say ‘home’, I talk about family, I talk about security, I talk about connection; it is everything, it is just there, it is family.
Do you choose how you love?
Yes, I do.
... or does your understanding of love arise from habits?
It is also from habits, but you choose who you want to love.
James and Joakim,
in a love romantic relationship
James
What do you think about homosexual relationships?
Well, I am in one. It was weird because I only came out as gay with Jo; before that, I would consider myself straight. Now I feel I can only love a man: it is like I was lying to myself, and I was actually really gay all the time ... but it was actually weird, how natural it felt ... and I think from knowing what it is like on the other side, with this idea that I can never love a man ... now I say, "Jesus, how can I not love a man?"
It feels so natural for me, and it is really lovely; he is like my best friend – we can really complement each other, it doesn’t have to be a woman and a man ... you can always love ... even women with women ... or man with man ...
Joakim
How do you understand love?
I understand that it is sacrifice and it is compromise – but it is that exchange: it is that you know you are compromising, knowing that the other person will compromise, as well, for you.It is a lot of work; people never talk about the work that goes into love. Love is an action, it is not a feeling; our feelings can be solved – love is something that has to be done again, and again, and again.
Toni King, single, divorced, with a teenager he can't see
How do you feel now?
I feel I am alive: I have survived so many things, and, in the end, I am still alive and still laughing ... I am still enjoying life ... I am still strong. I feel stronger. They imposed restriction orders against me, given to me by a court, so I am not allowed to get close to my ex-wife and daughter. The last time I tried, I ended up in jail: I ended up with scars all over my body, and I was wounded, with scars for life. I felt very lonely in my marriage.
I was married for 7 years. It was just after a very sad event that happened to me one time, one of those sad events that take place over a lifetime. I was a victim of false imprisonment for eight weeks, where I was tortured, victimised and punched, almost to death. It was a very bad situation to experience. I broke down mentally – that was the reason for the diagnosis of my mental health issue: the mental condition from which I suffer.
Robert and Sarah,
married for 13 years with 3 children
Sarah
Why do we give love in different ways? Is it a personal choice?
In my view, love comes from God. We have different ways of loving people...
This is interesting... "Love comes from God."
Yes, God is love. For me, love is between me and my husband; it is the love we share, for and with each other. When you meet a stranger, it feels more... exciting and new – sharing your thoughts and feelings, as well as having sex. Maybe this happens because the wife or husband isn’t providing what the other person needs: security, love, or even intimacy.
Sometimes it is hard to separate love and sex, because you feel connected to a person. But you also have to give someone the freedom to express themselves, to be who they truly are.
Robert
Sex with a stranger is quite difficult for me. I have thought about it – obviously there are people thinking that someone is a very pleasant, good looking woman; but it is about knowing each other, mentally as well as physically – and I think that lots of times that is totally missed by a society that prizes sex on the first date, saying, "Wow, that’s amazing!".
... it takes quite a long time to get to know each other intimately, mentally: so that you can almost predict what the other person is going to say, in any given circumstance. So, in an ideal world, we would be waiting and getting to know each other, loving each other first, before having sex – but we don’t live in an ideal world, so this is not happening.
Chris, single
Why do we cheat?
We get bored, perhaps, we can't handle commitment, we don’t tolerate each other, we don’t talk.
I’ve seen relationships where one person is cheating or has been cheated on. I found that in those cases, they don’t communicate with their partner. They don’t talk about what they can do to reignite their sexual life or their relationship in general, how they can change things ...
Wen Wei and Valeria, 6 month together, getting married in 6 months
Wei
Are you happy with your partner?
Most of the time, I am really happy, but sometimes I am really sad, because we get into lots of arguments - but I think it is a good thing that we are different.
Many of our opinions are different. The most important thing for us, when we have arguments, is that we always try to find a solution, and improve our relationship – this is our way to make our relationship healthy. At the end of the day, we still have to face the truth, understanding why we act in that way, and thinking about ourselves; about which parts of us are right, and which parts are wrong. Communication of love, for me, is understanding, because lots of things are indescribable; if you know the feeling for your love, you don’t have to communicate in words, because you can understand each other in silence ...
Valeria
What do you think about technology?
I am in love with a guy that I met on Tinder. What can I possibly think about technology? It’s awful, don’t do it, don’t try this at home.I don’t think it is better to meet up in real life because it is so based on appearance, whereas, if you talk to somebody on a computer, you can find out whether that person that looked so attractive is interesting or not – whereas in the past, you just knew somebody who was attractive and then went out, kind of, forced it to work ... and accepting ... It is different, entirely different, nowadays. It is much better like this. It is more deep.
Giulia and Diana, in a romantic relationship
Giulia
What is sex for you?
Sex, for me, is an act of pleasure, for oneself - and one wants to satisfy one’s own body, one’s physical needs. I think that sex helps the couple, at least in the first months or years of the relationship ... and then the relationship can carry on, even without that, or with it as a much smaller part. Sex can happen even without the other; I could masturbate on my own, thinking about my partner.
In my relationship, sex is a game that we like to play; a game that comes from the body – but then we have sex in many other, different ways; and mostly simply by finding myself in a lesbian relationship ... I find it really playful, and very different from anything else. There is still the need of satisfying one’s own desire, one’s own orgasm: having one orgasm, and then the partner having her own orgasm; but there is more complicity, I think, within a lesbian couple – or at least in my situation, you understand better the needs of your partner ...
Diana
Do you fear love?
Fear, yes... not now; I think I did much earlier, but back then I was afraid to love in quite a few instances – most of the time, when the love was actually real, when I could see that someone really loved me, I would be terrified to the point where I would denigrate the connection – it is banality, you have lost your mind, this is not love: love is something far more exuberant and extravagant ... than the things that you are proclaiming towards me ...Why do you love me? ... but I think that it was a defence ... from my side, and I think that, from my perception, when someone said such things to me, the fear came from this: ‘can I love them back in the way they claim that they love me?’ ... first question ... and, secondly, ‘do they really love me, or do they love this performance of myself that I am putting on in this specific situation, because I am not actually in love with them – so how can they love me? ... when I am performing this other thing that I am not really?’ ... question number two, and question number three: ‘what does it mean? Like, forever? ... or do you love me and we have to do something about it ...? What kind of statement is that?’ But these were concerns that produced a real discom- fort: I wasn’t ready, at that moment, to accept that love which I didn’t have for myself.
Robin and Paola, married since 2 years
Robin
I think love is beautiful – if it is painful, it is a bit wrong. Love should be joyful – it should be happy ... and you can use it as a life-force, to encourage other people’s lives.
I remember when I told Paola, (I’d known her three or four days), in a taxi, going to an opera, and I said, ‘I don’t know why I am saying this, but I feel I am falling in love with you’, and then, in the same opera, that same day, when we were wearing headphones, she took hers out and said, ‘You know what you said to me in the taxi?’, and I said, ‘Yes’ – and, as the performance continued all around us, she said, ‘I think I am feeling that too’; so, yes, love is an emotion: it is an instinct, which you have to respect. If your rational mind comes in, then it can’t be love.
Love is unedited: it is a stream; it is not edited.
Paola
Have you ever been rejected?
There was this one relationship, that serious one before Robin: I was the one who was rejected, and for two years I woke up every morning sobbing; first, you have the hurt, then you have the rage – ‘how can he be as he is? He is so disgusting, horrible: how can he do this? – he is revolting’ – and then, slowly, eventually, the analysis and then the healing of yourself ... and then you try to learn a lesson from it, but the rejection is a rejection of everything you value in yourself: the door shut in your face, and you think, ‘how can this be possible? – I am quite amazing; how can he do this?’.
Mum and Dad, married for 45 years with four children
Mum
What do you think of abuse?
It is a very awful thing, something that doesn’t let you live. Unfortunately, many women are victims of bad men. Sadly, they tolerate abuse because of their children. It depends how lucky you are in life ... who you meet.
Why abuse, then?
Because the woman is weak ... There are people that, when they are in a relationship, both love in the same way; and then there are situations where one gives more than the other.
Why are you talking only about women? ... there are situations where men are abused by women ...
I know more situations where men abuse women: the woman is sweeter, she can adapt more than men ... the woman can endure, she is strong and she suffers more.
Dad
What is Love for you?
I am retired.I worked as an electrician for Montedison for a few years. I have four children. Love comes from an interest that a woman or a man has, to live in society in a positive way; if there is no love, there is no harmony, anywhere, whether in a family or with someone outside it.
I think love is a mutual agreement. Real love has to be universal.
Erica,
7 years old
What makes you happy?
Anything.
Like?
When I go to the swimming pool, when I go to the sea, when I go to a new town, when I go to a friend’s place, when I play ... anything, what can I say – there are scores of things.
And what makes you unhappy?
When someone says, ‘no’ ... for example, when I ask, ‘are you my friend?’, and she says, ‘no’ ...
Only that?
Not only that: when someone gets angry ... I don’t like it when a person gets angry.
Laszlo,
my ex-boyfriend
Hungarian culture is like, we talk openly about sex and porn...
...very sexist...
Yes, very sexist. Even the women try to dress in a way that's very sexy and talk about porn and stuff.
It’s really patriarchal...
Yes, it is.
A woman has her place. If you cheat on a woman, that’s fine, but if a woman cheats on you, that’s not okay, and you’re supposed to slap her because she’s a bitch, and so on, and so on. I don’t agree with these things at all. I have never hit a woman who cheated on me – never, never.
That’s where you come from, then.
Yes, that is where I come from, and it has a huge impact.
I used to watch porn and take drugs, but now that is changing completely. Don’t get me wrong – attractive girls still turn my head, with their beautiful forms and figures.
For me, though, I look at women differently now, especially because I want to have a family and kids. They’re not objects. To me, women are a higher form of male: they can endure more and are stronger in many ways.
Really?
Loredana,
the interviewer
It took me more than forty years to realise that I didn’t love myself, and that my life was a reflection of who I had been. I didn’t love myself, clearly, if I allowed people to hurt me.
I came to understand that I was carrying wounds – from family, relationships, school, religion, society, politics, sex, and distorted values.
All of it left a deep mark on me. I was born free, without a past, without thoughts. I was love.
But somewhere along the way, I lost that love, that connection with myself, with nature – and I became afraid to love.
What is Love?